Where did it go?

We sold the crib (as though he slept in it a single night)

To a cute young couple.

He was muscly and eager – proud of his craigslist bargain.

Her baby tummy stretched toward her

Crisp maternity top, her voice bubbly with nursery plans.

We donated the swing to the church.

Gingham and blue.
Old-school – just the way I wanted it.
(Although it always seemed to go a bit too high and too fast for my liking.)

We handed-me-down the 2Ts, 3Ts and 4Ts

Tiny Easter suits.  Cottony soft footie jammies.
Thomas the Train shirts.  Elmo red shorts.

I know where all those things went.

But time.

Where did time go?

My baby boy – all 53 pounds & 48 inches of him –

Whose dimply, toothless grin accents
His cute chin freckle.
Whose blond hair glimmers white after
A season of summer.
Whose eyes gently close as I sing him to
Sleep each night.
Whose hide & seek giggle of “Daddy, ee r oo?”
Turned into “Excuse me, Dad, but can
We play Wipeout on the Xbox?” –
Will start first grade in a few weeks.

“First grade, already?” they ask.

I ask myself.

Where did the time go?

And, while I would love to answer this

Question with poetry and surety,
I have no answer.

So –

Knowing each second deepens the question,

And quickens the moments toward
first grade, second grade, fifth grade, 16 –

I hold him tighter

Longer.

I sing bedtime songs sweeter

Slower.

I make each kiss, hug, smile, and laugh count.

Count more than the seconds of

The all too elusive

time.

POOFing Jesus

In the book of Matthew, just 3 verses after Jesus states, "If you have faith as a small mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to here,' and it will move," a curious thing happens.

Jesus and his disciples were asked to pay the temple tax.  Peter approached Jesus about it, and, after some dialogue, Jesus sent Peter to "fish" for the tax.  Literally. 

Go and throw out your line.  Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin.  Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.

Why didn't Jesus just "poof" the tax? 

He easily could have said, "Here you are, Peter" and (poof!), like a white gloved magician, produced a coin out of air. 
But He didn't.

He easily could have said, "Peter, if you close your eyes and pray, (poof!) a coin will fly into your pocket." 
But He didn't.

He easily could have said, "Peter, just as you can ask the mountains to be moved, you can ask the temple tax to be (poof!) done away with."
But He didn't.

No.  Instead Peter had to leave Jesus' side, go get his fishing gear, bait his hook, throw out the line, wait for a fish, and then dig the coin out of the slimy mouth.

______________________________________________________

I don't understand Jesus' choices or ways to get a job done.   Why did He put spit on a blind man's eyes to heal him?  Why did he allow Lazarus to be dead for 3 days instead of healing him before he died?  Why did he allow the woman with the issue of blood to bleed for so many years?  She had the faith before she even touched the hem of his garment, right?  I may not understand.  But I know that Jesus had/has a reason.  And I know He ended every story by meeting the need.

Our vision of Jesus is hindsight.  We know the end of every story.
Peter gets the coin - regardless of how he had to get it.
The blind man is healed - regardless of what was placed on his eyes.
Lazarus was raised from the dead - regardless of how long his sisters grieved.
The woman's issue of blood was healed - regardless of how long she had to wait.

But we don't know the details of our stories.  No book has been written about our life that tells how Jesus' will heal us.  When Jesus will mend hearts.  Where Jesus will meet our pressing need.  Or how long before Jesus answers our prayers.

______________________________________________________

What if Peter hadn't obeyed?  What if the story went something like this...

Jesus' Promise:
Go and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.

Peter's (what-if) response:
Are you kidding me?  So, instead of providing for me right here & now, I have to DO something to have my need met?  This is not a "want," Jesus.  This is a NEED.  For crying out loud!  I have seen you do crazy miracles for a whole list of people, and here I ask this tiny thing.  Am I not loyal to you?  I am with you almost every day!  I'm learning from you!  I pray with you!  I know your word!  Forget it.  I'll just figure this out on my own.

______________________________________________________

Jesus' Promise:
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you (John 15:7).  If you ask anything according to my will, I will hear you.  In whatever you ask, you have the requests that you ask of me (1 John 5:14-15).  Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (Mark 11:24). 

What's your/my response?...