Someday I'll tell him

Someday I’ll tell him.

So far, Cole seems to be a follower.  Although others see him as a leader, he doesn’t realize it.  He’s energetic, happy, and full of ideas.  But he’s a people pleaser.  (After months of failed potty training attempts, I told my then-three-year-old boy that it made me sad when he didn’t pee in the potty.  That was that.  He never wore a diaper again.)

But this same trait that has allowed Michael and me the luxury of correcting and disciplining Cole with mere words or looks of disapproval, disappointment, and displeasure may haunt us some day.

Cole wants to please.  He wants to fit in at whatever the cost.  Even though Cole is one of the tallest and smartest in his class, he has an enemy.  At 7, Cole’s nemesis is his age.  He’s the youngest in his class.  He’ll be the last of his friends to turn 8.  Then 9.  Then 10.  He’ll be the last to drive and the last to get to vote.  This age difference is HUGE in his mind.  And, in his eyes, it leaves him no choice but to be a follower by the very definition.

So someday I’ll tell him.  I won't just think it or hope it or steer him in that direction.  

I'll tell him.  

I’ll tell him that he will have to take a stand.  Against every fiber of his being, he’ll have to say no when others say yes, say it’s wrong with others say it’s right, say I’m leaving when others say please stay.  I’ll unwaveringly tell him what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s expected and what’s not expected.  I’ll tell him that pleasing others is wonderful as long as it first pleases God. 

Someday I’ll tell him he might be the last man standing.  He might be fighting the battle alone – or so it may seem.  And along the way, I’ll either be his biggest cheerleader or the uncoolest mom, but I’ll tell him.  Someday. 

But today, I’m a green army man who just lost the battle against the last warrior standing.  Cole’s “pow pow!” took me – and all my men – down in seconds.  Again.  Amazing. 

“See, Cole.  You’re a leader!” I say without saying.  Instill without speaking.  Pray without him hearing. 

And he smiles – a gapped tooth grin under summer bleached hair.

Yes.  Some other day.